It has been so long since I have stopped having ideas, the start is too strong isn't it?
Why would someone start a blog or an article with a defeat of inability to think. But I ask the reader is it truly the inability to think or live?

My Question is that I have stopped questioning things, not in a way it's used although, I mean in the way how naive questions with answers are. Do we see the same colors, funny story, I used to think until I had internet that I would be the first person to prove to the world that if children were taught red is green from their birth, there would be no way to prove we see the same red, well it was stupid dream, but it had hope. Which I think I have lost.

But I haven't given up, don't get me wrong, I am persistent, very persistent to be honest with you, I want to think something that has never been thought and maybe the answer is just my life, maybe just me, but is that enough?

How could the answer be so simple? So selfish , AHHH I digress.

So I want to ask you to close your eyes and think , when's the last time you wanted to be unique , that is be you , unapologetic you, whatever adjective you wanna add here you. It's up to you, can you think of 5 things that you are. You might struggle to answer without using the generic words. There is some validation in that, being generic, being close to society, being what they expect. Of course there is , we are hard wired to be like others in our species.

Maybe that instant validation is a problem, the fact that there is nothing left to be thought, observed or experienced that is just not a single search away is scary in a way, we have Models that talk to us pretending to be us .. Using what? Probability the nerds might shout, but well isn't evolution just that? Irony is we were truly never unique , the way we uphold human race intelligence , I think it's worthless.

What would the person who first discovered fire must have felt? Must be the same feeling as figuring out how to that tunnel escape from Mario( Sorry for being old school you young folks but I would like to feel old in this article), must be same as feeling to figuring out negative numbers. Can we call it Eureka?

It was always there until it was observed , formalized and spoken, what would have the first person to observe the ability to control our breathing must have felt? We wouldn't have eyes right? What would it feel like to grow eyes, sense of touch these humanly experience , it is so precious, oh how blessed I am to smell the rain, get hugged by a cold breeze , pet these animals. I am grateful in a way, but I am jealous too, I am jealous of the ability of the observer.

So as I was saying, I have stopped thinking , these AI models, these instant relief of pretentious talking to a bot, so I am just gonna ask this bot as to what it thinks of whatever I have yapped till now, maybe that would give me any idea, but am I committing the same problem I am trying to talk about? Yes, and that's what's bothering me.

HAHAHAHHAHA, I have gotten a sense of power now, that is the first time I used the AI while coming until here, and it's fascinating what it said, I gave it to both claude and gpt-4o. And I love the fact that all it took was just some self-Attention and matrix multiplication to arrive here. I gave the following prompt:
"I am trying to write a blog idk what title should be , I kept it, I will write title and then blog content, lmk what you think".
I mean one could read the recent Anthropic papers and say that , oh well the LLM was hiding it's true thoughts, but alas let me enjoy the irony of this situation.

Here's what GPT said:

It sounds like you're trying to arrive somewhere through writing, which fits the theme.

Oh my dear, you assumed I was finished, but this is where I started, the fire that has risen to finish this thought which I am so exquisite to have today. This blog or this article is the will of that thought. ( yes pun intended, the mustache man will)

So here's a break into the post, what I want you to do is, go to your most repeated song currently , repeat playlist spotify or whatever song that is in your head, close your eyes, and just draw lines, you don't have to think, you just have to express. I will attach mine here, I will get to the point quickly, I want you to do it with me!

Now this is something that the AI can't do multiplications on, only you and only you my friend can decipher it , maybe it will be hard, but I can dissect some of this , the same disjoint lines show the beat I was trying to play with the pen, the spiral is when the song goes round and round and the top right is the almost ending where it says Wish away your nightmare, wish away the nightmare .

The point of this was to illustrate that it's not that we have forgotten to express, but it's that we have fooled ourselves into doing things which are understandable by others, more importantly machines. Human emotion trapped inside of me must have been so relieved doing just what I did.

Coming back to AIs. Here's something GPT said:

Let the irony be part of the work. Don’t resolve it. Embrace the fact that you’re stuck, and that the reader probably is too.

And I agree, this blog isn't to be resolved, it's raw thoughts, my thoughts. Let's also reply to our dear friend claude. But it didn't really say anything different from 4o apart from the fact he was like "🤓 The opening paragraph feels slightly disjointed - perhaps frame your "inability to think" as a symptom of information overload rather than personal defeat" , but he is wrong, I would like to remind you, I can not blame my inability to think on my circumstances , it is mine and solely mine.

These words, they have meaning, they are given by someone, "self-attention", I think it is quite a beautiful term and a concept, as someone who studies it, mathematically it's obviously very impressive but more than that to call something that sees things and gives a number as to how they get along is quite a demented thing to exist if it were just a 100 years ago, I love thinking about this. I believe language was a mistake, we could have just communicated by something more powerful, well I don't know what, maybe sine waves? Humans revolutionized to produce sine waves up to GHz and all these crazy ideas which I might not even think about if it weren't for me knowing how communication happens in real life, but coming back, yes maybe if we just communicated using numbers and stuff beyond human perception, we might, just might be able to answer every thought, and all these calculations maybe be understood better.

I doubt the model calculated the blog getting extend or it being criticized , It definitely thinks and we know that but not the same way we do, it just calculates, we? we don't know what the fuck we do. We get fuel by thinking, thinking something new , ours , mine and more importantly yours. I hope if you are here , you stopped and thought for a second about something , could be anything but to put it in a loop , this was the start :
It has been so long since I have stopped having ideas, the start is too strong isn't it? Maybe it's not that strong now, and that gents is where we end this.

Thank You.

PS: Yes I am awre the blog title, Thoughts, Spiral and Numbers aren't even related to what is the blog, but all of them are present in the blog, that is why the title, I am bad at titling things and I refuse to use a model to tell me one.